I’m hella broke…

Yup. I’m about to share some pretty personal information. All for the sake of … sharing. I have $1 credit left on all 3 of  my credit cards. I have $5 to my name on my debit card. Luckily I just got (small but still helpful) check for a few days of work at a new job. According to my calculations I’ll have about $100 to spend on food for the next 2 weeks. The rest is going to pay for my phone bill, car insurance, gas/transportation and to pay a little back to my sister from whom I’ve borrowed way too much money. Where is the calculation for rent you say? I’m living at my cousin’s house (aunt and uncle included) at the moment rent-free although that’s not by choice. I had no money to offer when I asked if I could move in to the available room, and luckily they were willing to take me in. I had nowhere else to go really… and that was pretty sad. My time home has not been the most uplifting experience. It’s been quite the opposite indeed. I’m really feeling the struggle and it’s testing my character and strength. Where do I even begin to explain my troubles?! Let’s start with my job.

I found a typical Monday-Friday, some Sundays, 40+ hour/week job. 9am to 6pm. My days of enjoying daylight are saved for the weekends. During the week I’m glued to a computer entering data, making phone calls and dealing with sales for a company I have no passion for, getting treated like an idiot at times by my boss, and coming home to a place where although I’m welcomed by some family here, not all are thrilled about my current status in life. I get the feeling I’m being viewed as a bum. That’s all putting it briefly (and kindly).

Despite feeling pretty embarrassed and almost ashamed of where I am right now, I’m feeling pretty good. I mean, I have my transient shitty moments where I’m really down on myself, but I keep reminding myself that this is temporary. Why? Because I’m determined to make it that way. So, I share this information willingly because I will make it my damn mission to write a blog post one year from now where I’m pretty satisfied, if not thrilled with my status.

Overall, I’m inspired. Traveling has ignited a fire within me that burns intensely with possibilities. I think I’ve always been an ambitious person, but traveling made me confident about my strength and potential. I’m channeling some Drake right now. Starting from the bottom.. gotta work my way to the top. I’m also hoping to show other potential travelers who are stuck in the 9-5 grind that there is a way out, if they so desire. Let me pave the way for you as I pave it for myself. A work in progress. 

Ok, I’m being super ambitious right now.

I would leave this mess now and find a job teaching English in South Korea or Japan starting ASAP, but I’m sticking around until my sister’s wedding in August. It’s a dreadfully long time to wait, but it’s family and it’s an important celebration. My sister is all I’ve really got aside from my dad. My sister and I have only begun to become better friends once I started traveling. My dad was a bit skeptical at first, but he’s been happy for me in ways I never thought I’d see. He wanted me and my sister to become nuns, so in a way I thought he’d always be a bit disappointed in me, but I’m starting to see that I was wrong.

Overall, I can’t say I’m super close with either of them. I don’t share many personal things with them. This is probably a huge factor as to why it’s so easy for me to pack up and travel the world. There isn’t much I’m missing out on here. Life goes on without me.

My life plan has yet to be determined, but all the answers I’m looking for are scattered across the globe. I’m eager to retrieve these pieces and assemble them into a more complete version of myself, though never whole. I don’t feel incomplete, I just feel an impatience to see and do more. To do everything. I’ve always been a jack-of-all-trades kinda person and I want to keep dipping my feet into new things.

So what’s my plan? I don’t know how much longer I’ll last at my current job. Part of me wants to wait until I get another loud and angry demand thrown my way to calmly smile, raise my middle fingers up and walk out with a solid “screw you,” but I’ll keep things classy.

Another part of me wants to just suck it up and deal with it because of the pay, hours, and overall ease of the job. We’ll see how things transpire.ecard quit job

Whatever the job, I plan to save my money. Seems a bit impossible since I owe so much. Just gotta prioritize. Haircuts? Who needs em. Latest gadgets? pfft. Clothes? I need to give clothes away. Drinks? Still recovering from Prague. Nightlife and socializing? LOL. There are only two things I don’t mind spending my money on right now: a good meal every now and then since food comforts me and for transportation to areas where I can go on a long and somewhat isolated walk through nature. I’m spending a lot of time by myself these days and I’m embracing that. Around friends and acquaintances I’ll end up spending money, so for my weekends I typically plan mini excursions around San Francisco, the Bay Area, and other worthy places within an hours drive. Maybe in a few months I’ll save up for a longer outing to Lake Tahoe, Yosemite, or San Diego. Or maybe in a few months I’ll find a hostel to live in for a work exchange. Hmm…

Anyway, that’s my life right now. Thrilling, I know. Keep in touch to see my journey.


2 thoughts on “I’m hella broke…

  1. I’m sorry your transistion back to the US has been so harsh. I feel like I have heard half success and half “it’s not working” stories. I recently met a guy who worked in Japan for 10 years and then returned home, but couldn’t find work so he’s on his way to China. Another blogger has been unemployed after her time abroad and I know she’s incredibly frustrated, too.

    The thing about a bad job is you get a better sense of what you want and need. And from the sound of it, this job is motivating you which is a good thing. I hope you can find a way to make your current situation work towards your advantage, if not make some money to store in the bank.

    Good luck 🙂 Wish I could say something wonderful here, sending you hugs from Thailand.

  2. Thanks Lani 🙂 I appreciate the kind words and positive outlook. Being home has reminded me of the reasons why i left in the first place. Now I know I will cherish every moment abroad so much more after this experience. Just as I thought my love for travel couldn’t get any deeper 😀

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